An Exercise In Monotony.

by Julie on August 12, 2014

Before the kids wake up:


After the kids have been up for a couple of hours:


It’s like being at Disneyland. Actually, it’s like Disneyland vomited all over the place and there are less cool rides and no gift shops.

And it’s in the slums of Detroit.

Before we go to bed:


Just call me “Sisyphus”.


Good Stuff #3 – Water.

by Julie on August 4, 2014


So cleansing. And watery. I place a tall glass of it on my nightstand every night before I get in bed.

Water makes up around 71% of the earth’s surface, as well as up to 78% of our body’s composition (depending on size). Kind of interesting, right?

Water Drop

It also makes up a large percentage of most plant life. Plants and trees cannot live without the greatness that is water.

I’m thankful for the sound it makes when it falls to the ground as rain, or into a pool of itself as a fountain.

It’s cool and refreshing, and it fixes everything. When I feel icky, I drink a bunch of water and it makes me feel better.

Like the time I climbed this mountain during a trip up to Washington…

Mount Si

Mount Si

…even though I’d never done that sort of thing before and thought that if I walked on my treadmill with an incline for a couple of weeks prior to the trip that I’d be ready to climb Mount Everest.


By the time we reached fifty feet, I was already expressing my dissatisfaction about how much more mountain was left to go like a kid in the back seat of a car asking if we’re there yet. There’s nothing more effective for bringing out tiresome drama like putting an oblivious newbie at the bottom of a mountain and telling her to start climbing.

It isn’t like going up a hill. It’s like taking a stairway to INFINITY, and each step is about three feet tall.

On the way up, I saw this very fit and fabulous family of five. Mom and Dad looked like seasoned climbers, and their three glorious children (one looked like he was in pre-school) were having a blast and laughing and talking about how great it was to be climbing in such a beautiful place. The most annoying part of this was that we passed them as they were coming down and I had just started my my bitching there at fifty feet.

Enjoying some delicious water

Of course, it is possible that they looked so fabulous because they knew they only had fifty feet left to go before they reached the bottom, but there was not a drop of sweat on them, so now that I think about it, it was a little suspicious. They did not look they had just climbed the mountain of death. They must have been fairies or something.

Maybe I was hallucinating and they were actually thorny devil lizards. Or better yet, maybe they were bred with lizards and that’s how they were able to have such a roaring good time while climbing this ginormous thing.

Anyway, I quit my moaning, drank some delicious water, and kept on going.

I am thankful to water for helping me climb those incredibly breathtaking 3,500 feet, and for providing substance to the tears that I wept like a baby when I got to what I thought was the top, only to have my very able Boyfriend (who is now my able Mister) point out that there was an additional “scramble” of about 100 additional feet to the mountain’s summit (called the “Haystack”) that he wanted to climb.

It’s not like I didn’t notice that there was more mountain sitting there, but I was trying hard to ignore it. It was 100 more feet of rock going almost straight up. I thought maybe if I acted like it wasn’t there, The Boyfriend would just forget about it and we could start our way back down. That tactic didn’t work out so well, so I sat there and whimpered like a wounded animal because there was just no way I could make it any farther.

Mt.Si Scramble Sign

He gave in. We started back down, and I thought I was in the clear. Such was not the case, because as it turns out, going down a mountain is just as painful as going up.

I know there are many clever and funny metaphors or analogies for PAIN, but I can’t think of any right now because I’m reliving the experience in my feeble brain.

Let’s just say, “It hurt real bad.”

I hoped that water would help to alleviate a bit of my discomfort. Although it did not, I was still very grateful to have that delicious drink.

Crooked Hair Don't Care

Me on Mount Si with crooked hair. Mount Rainier was out that day, too.

I couldn’t move the following day, but the hotel had a bar, and I coped.

Still, I am very proud of the accomplishment. I climbed a mountain, and I’m very thankful for the experience. Water helped me get through it, along with the encouragement of my sweet Boyfriend/Mister, who is much more of a mountain climber than myself, but he grew up there, and had a bit of an advantage.

I am also very thankful to God for such a majestic, ass-whipping mountain.

I tell my water how great it is every chance I get. In my mind, I say something like, Man, this the best stuff, ever. I would die without water. Really, I would, because no human can live without water.  It is truly the sweet nectar of life.

glass of water


Other random thoughts/information about water:

  • After being out in the stupid heat of summer, or eating some salty Chinese food or pizza, a nice drink of water is really good.
  • My favorite thing to do with water – aside from drinking it – is to float in it, cook with it, use it for my garden, bathe my children in it, or let them run around in it when it’s hot outside, or listen to it trickle as rain, in streams, or waterfalls, fountains, etc.
  • Water can make electricity via water turbines connected to generators.
  • Water puts out fires. I hate fires, unless they are campfires, but sometimes I dislike campfires, too. Especially when the smoke floats into my face. I have a real issue with smoke in my face. I should add that to my “About” page.
  • Spongebob Squarepants lives in it.
  • Fifty percent of Earth’s species lives in the oceans.
  • Without figure skating and skiing at the Winter Olympics, or swimming and diving at the Summer Olympics, I would be really bummed out. I am thankful for water’s contributions to sports.
  • I REALLY love rain, especially thunderstorms. It replenishes the Earth, and fills the streams, lakes, rivers and oceans.

I’m not picky. Water, ice, vapor, or dew…I’ll take whatever I can get.

Next time we visit Washington, we are taking our little thorny devil lizard children and we will climb that mountain including the Haystack because of determination and WATER.

Water, you are GOOD STUFF. Thank you for existing.


A Tale of A Tail.

July 31, 2014

When I think back on my youth, I sometimes feel that it is contrary to the established laws of nature that I have survived this long. My reasoning skills have always been a little wonky, but definitely worse when I was younger. I could look at something – a situation, for example – and assume something […]

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Good Stuff #2 – The Brown Paper Bag

July 28, 2014

Have you met the Brown Paper Bag? It has been around forever. There’s even a Wikipedia page about it, and although the information there is sparse, the venerable paper bag’s legacy is quite significant. So cheap. So ordinary. So brown. So USEFUL! I guess they are mostly known for holding sack lunches, but they can […]

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My Writing Process.

July 24, 2014

I seem to have a very non-productive writing routine lately. I realize that I could wake early in the mornings or stay up late to write, but I’m usually in the midst of other things during those times. Those “things” are usually kid-related, and since The Mister works out of town, I can’t ask him […]

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Be a Duck.

July 21, 2014

A long time ago, I had a bad day at work. I was a nurse working in Labor and Delivery, and one of the doctors was being a bit of a jerk about one of his patients that I was caring for. Except, he wasn’t being bit of a jerk, he was being a BIG, […]

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Good Stuff #1 – Air.

July 1, 2014

In an attempt to exercise my gratitude muscles a little bit (because I don’t think any of the other ones work anymore), I am starting a series of posts about things I am grateful for. I call them “gratitudinals”. It’s a mix of “gratitude” and “cardinal”, because cardinals are my favorite bird. I like to […]

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My Summer Reading List.

July 1, 2014

As you can probably tell, I’m still trying to “find my voice” as a humor writer. Such a silly phrase and quite cliché, but so am I. I do want to be funny, but sometimes, I feel like I’m the un-funniest person on the planet. Aside from my obsessions with Star Wars and cats, I […]

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I Don’t Want To Sell You ANYTHING.

July 1, 2014

I’m convinced that I am the female version of Lloyd Dobler. Remember Lloyd Dobler? Kind of dorky and likes the valedictorian of his class? They fall in love and she gives him a pen after breaking up with him. In dramatic fashion, they end up reuniting and fly off into the sunset together. I wonder […]

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I Say “Buns” A Lot In This Post.

June 26, 2014

It was May of 1977. I was nine. The most important movie of all time came out. You know the one… I saw “Star Wars” at the drive-in with my best friend, Kristi, and her family. We ran around the parking lot and messed with the little speaker doodads and munched on junk food. We […]

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